Tuesday, August 19, 2008

holy shit this was rediculous a.k.a. waterpumpalooza

welp. im back in our nations capitol. van/wounded tired but not finished
heres the rundown of the adventures from black mtn nc to saugatuck michigan...

monday july 28 10:00 pm
the town pump black mtn nc.. home of pbr and a really cool goat head and a faded george washington pic. we tried really hard to film this on as it was the last night with peter irish/makia groove. we cranked the dust off the smashed light rig and niccotined cancered out stapled dollar bills with sharpie love stories to no avail. cool show & good times for a monday.. had to avoid some coked out fans but nothing to crazy. of course it rained alot.

tue july 29 6:30am
painted the kitchen of a local resturant.. holy shit this was rediculous..

july 30 all day
and for the next few days i pawned. pimped. clawed. recycled and scrambled for some loot to make it to the midwest.. choosing to keep my pride and character/freedom from the jailhouse in tack i didnt deliver any packages or become a "garden boy" for any wealthy cougars in biltmore forest.mmmmm. lately, i have been fucking around with electronics/speakers etc so i repaired an old mic and got a few bucks out of it, and yes on the way to pawn my tire almost blew out.. weirdly enough a blind guy with one arm plugged the tire witch gave me comfort.. i told him i was going to chicago on the weekend and he laughed sorta hysterically, freaked me out beyond all belief i halled ass basically dodging bullets.. crushed some coronas and made my way to tn to hang with the ace..

the pawn
oh yeah our local pawn shop is a skinny beard serious dude behing all music purchaces and we always have the same conversations. i walk in and he vaguely recognizes me and i fire back at him its almost like an old west gunfight. so then i give him fake confidence that the piece of shit im trying to sell him is the best ever. so he takes the item inspects. looks on the computer and always says without lookin you in the eye "sooo how much do you want to get out of thisssss?" and by this point you have to really talk shit. so then the inspection time. and this time i was really hoping he couldnt tell i had just ripped the mic apart and made shitty connections.the mic worked beautifully. like the sound of angels covering my ass for the 1millionth time i cashed out, basically speed walked. running after i hit the parking lot. wheww..whiping sweat from my brow..

friday aug 1 cincinatti oh
crazy drive through the kentucky mtns. visit to berea ky. hit some goodwills and this is when i first noticed the intense howling coming from my van.. oh shit... i stopped in kroger got all the ingredients for avacodo cheese sandwich and definately felt like my space ship landed bizarro world where everyone is affected by coal dust and too many nitrates in the hot dogs.. but it is a beautiful area.. i made it to cinci a few hours early and luckilly found a guitar shop. the howling got even worse. holy shit by the time i got back on the freeway rubber is flying up on the dash and my serpantine belts were being devoured.. i was surrounded by mack trucks and ice deliverys at 65mph when the billy cobham solo under my hood was nearing it peak.. at this point i was decifering the mini printout of mapquest directions and took my exit fumbling straight for the ghetto.. i made it about 2 more miles and thanks jesus i made it to the front door of the venue... wheeeu.. a little freaked out and a little in the ghetto this is when it all started.... got a few pointers and some help from a really nice guy who was curator at cinci art museum.. basically had to quit freaking out because it was 5pm on friday. i drank a few beers ate a quesedilla and convinced myself all is good.. the show was really small but kick ass people got drunk and slept in the van. the highlight of the eve was a great art exhibit in the venue next door called skateable or non skateable. one side of the small ass gallery was packed with scenesters in 80s neon short pants and 3d style glasses crowded around colorful large paintings / seperating the gallery was a make shift chain-link fence encasing sweaty pbred up stoned skaters crashing and launching and dodging on pieces of art turned into skateable ramps.. it was an exciting schoolyard vibe sweaty mess. good shit!

aug 2nd cinci-fort wayne, in.
woke up, too early.. nervous.. rolling the van down a hill to a garage. which dindt open for another hour so i crashed in the van woke in an hr or so and talked to a seasoned car dr. with sweet mustache.. he informed me it could cost a shit load of money, and weirdly enough the car didnt make any noises. he said "yep cant get em to perform when you want em too," and laughed cunningly. he said boy "my advice is dont go over 50 and stop every 30 40 miles." this sounded much better than spending 400 dollars which i only had 138 of....so basically, i spent the backwood cornfield afternoon being passed by horse and buggy amish people. no shit. pretty hilarious heres is the caveman cruiser blasting ac/dc going about 20, didnt get any looks that day...i napped periodically when i felt the van was getting ready to explode. this went on for about 5hrs. thanks jesus i made it to the club. ate burger and crushed a couple cold froths and was temporarilly relieved.. by this point i had figured the problem to be a tensioner for the serpantine belt was bad. so i got a ll the parts via bike and was set to fix it all the next am.... meanwhile.. i had a kick ass show that the hillgrass bluebilly folks put on with a packed house and great people! got hammered slept in the van and woke to start the van surgery. after 5hrs of labor in the advance auto i had finally succeded.. or i thought.. i made it 1 block and the belt exploded.. fuuuucck! after painful investigation we me and (big tony) figured it was the water pump.. shhhhit.. so i managed to get the van back to the club. where then i also decided to change the shit myself. oh god.. by that night i had my van in 1,000 pieces in critical condition in the parking lot. multiple trips to the auto store with the bike and bungeed down parts behind the seat and finally around luckily, i had a power outlet next to the pkng lot and bought a light so i could do more damage after dark but it was enough for that day. bout midnight big tony rolled through the lot on a repo mission for the garage he works for he said " i see your going for it, stick it out youll get it." perfect timing for tony and perfect words for my ears.. not so lucky the owners of the cars he had on his wrecker..

all day monday.. a rainstorm, with a cloud of death like iv never seen before i was almost running for the puritan hills to go live with the amish repenting all the way but i held out and made it through,..tatatadaaah!!! and finally about 8pm fucking touch down i had finally and skeptically repaird the beast and hopefully didnt kill any neighborhood animals due to the fluid loss in the lot... shit.. friends in chicago had been waiting on me for a few days, but couldnt make it monday eve.. i got hammered and blinded to celebrate the tentative victory over the machine.got a little sleep!!! whew holy shit

aug 5 chicago
finaly and still a little shakey and battled oild scarred i made it to chicago.. my friends there were pumped and so was i..... we grilled out, drank goose islands laughed and played guitar hero on the bigscreen until i was crosseyed. funny shit..
i basically had to be pressure washed to remove all the oil to beable to go in the house..

aug 6 11:00pm chicago
got a gig at a bar called the horseshoe. cool place country motif while all the workers were from albania great juxtapositon.. kickass night ended up drinking martinis made by a medicine alchaemist woman gypsy witch , she really knows martinis.. if your there in chicago its called something like the blue stem .. very bizarre. you will get hammerd and leave with no money.. promise. but you will have a good story.

aug 7th 1pm chicago

rode the bike across town to the cubs game at wrigley field.. shit yeah! watched through a hole in the fence and rode down to the lake, at 5pm on thursday afternoon borderline suicide mission on the bike, lots of busses, exhaust, excited clocked out workers on patios metamorphing into 2 beer buzz heroes. kids playing drums on buckets, drunk cubs. vizual paradise......... chicago is a great place!!

aug 8th 10pm

kicked it across town with the stevens fam to morseland. kick ass show kick ass night all around.. drank some german brews at a bizarre beer garten..mmmm.. one of the best nights of the year for the caveman show!!!

aug 9th 11am

brunched it out with friends from california laughed and reconnected with last eves fun, went to a cool top floor house party and ended the night with a great taco from kick ass taqueria where the owner flies out once a month to get ingeredients.

aug 10th 8pm

alittle shakey to saugatuk michigan it was a rich tourist lake side town where i could already feel the cool of the autumn comng in.. good show, good venue and the best burger on the tour.. crushed pbrs and slept barside.....

aug 11 12noon
so this is were the chaos starts barely enough cash to get to tn. and figured the routing to take me to indianapolis.louiville.nashville. my phone had just cashed out which complicated everything 10 fold.. i crashed out in louiville somewhere walmartland. not before having the van stripped down by shit head motherfucker rookie cops outside indianapolis who said my windows in the back cannot be blacked the fuck out. sweet roadside lights flashing like the ones in all our nightmares.. be careful driving in indiana!!!

aug 12 10am somewhere ky.
woke up in walmartville ky in serch of atat so i could get my beg and plea on the phone connection.. luckilly i was hooked up. made it to nashville on fumes... and by 5pm i was playing frisbee golf with some old homies from knoxville, tn.. weird yin yang day. ended with a sigh of relief..

aug 13 11am
by this point i had maybe 4 dollars in change, so i got a bannana some water and had some remaining pbrs from the chicago adventure. by 2pm i was on a speed boat on piercy priest lake listning to biggie smalls and launching off the back of a boat.. holy shit... another kick ass yin yang day... ended up with grande dos equis and a carne asada!!!

aug 14th 11pm nashville

the foo bar east nashville... suicide girls lots of tequila highball shots and im not really sure what the set list was for the evening.. oh shit.good thing i can sitdown and do this shit... wnded up walleyed eating quesadillas back at the tin roof, by the way which has great salsa!

aug 15 knoxville/boone lake tn.
shit yeah woke with enough in my pocket to make it through to asheville nc!!!
visited my grandfateher who makes me laugh my ass off especially when stories of his buddies girlfriends come up.. he is 90...shit yeah..
i almost cry when i start up my old truck which is the old madmax cruiser which is now lonely in his garage.
... on to east tn to where my brother is a sushi chef we hung out talked shit solved each others problems till the sun came up, ran through a corn field made a fire and got blinded as they do in tennessee...

aug 16th boone lake tn

went to a totaly insane wedding where all the brides maidens and bride resembled amy winehouse variations... putting out thier cigarettes as they walked into the church.. the cermony was about 5 minutes total when the two were married there was a huge yahooooo!!! . everyone meandered out to the parking lot to drink cans of beer and smoke one.. it was fucking great!!! then to the after party in the upstairs of a resturant.. of course everyone b lined it for the smoking balcony.. great view of jc mtns. blue ridge. got blinded with old friends, talked with some new ones and witness the greatest groom dance of all time.. holy shit. shirt comes off fucking awesome, pins bride up on pillar,,, redfaced underneath the shouts and intellient lighting. got to get my camera fixed!!!... and even weirder the dj was my middle school art teacher...
aug 17 boone lake tn
by the way boone lake can be like a vortex.. i love it there so much.. (2004 i lived in my brothers back yard for 3 months in a tent. we refer to this as the lost wknd) that would be another story all together... we took the boat out got blind listen to some great jams got newcastles and icecream at a marina, and by 8pm was drinking white lightning and by 9pm asleep...wheeewww.
aug 18 the dirt 5pm nc
holy shit i passed through aville collected the money i had made from the kitchen painting job weeks earlier.. very weird scene a supermodel "assistant" opened the door and i had to remind the guy what work i had done.. but 10-4 touchdown got the loot. hauled ass to the dirt met the mav & got drunk at the federal... whew

if you made it through this novel i hope your eyes are not crossed or you have a headace..

big thanks on this run to wild b. the ace. chuck b. meg & stevens family. once again gomer!!! big tony & all the folks who helped me in fortwayne. the guy who bought all the tequila at the foo bar in nshville (i felt like shit on friday) the lady at the at&t somewhereland ky.. the albanians. fleek & hillgrass bluebilly guys.. the comet nice quesadilla maker and barteners. the car dr. with the weird moustache. . left lane cruiser... the mythical martini lady/snake charmer. ground support phone team and if you bought a cd/ hot undies or tshirt on this run you rock!!!!
love to see some pics... email to blakeburris@hotmail.com

*****also due to the extreme situation which is now hurting the vans health and perhaps mine i have cancelled the montreal upstate ny run for september.. if you know of any one who will post support for this type of touring tell em about shake it like a caveman.. love yall. see u in asheville nc orange peel aug 22. maybe a sneaky show between here and there


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